I had to tell him that it was never anything he did that caused me to do something so stupid and so selfish. God, how selfish was I? Even now when I remember the way I was thinking back then, it makes me sick to my stomach. Sick and miserable.I wonder what he thinks about me now? Or, if he even does think of me. And did he think of me during all those years? Like I thought of him? How many nights did he fall asleep, his hands holding his erection, wishing it were my hand holding him? As many as I did, using my fingers to ease the pain I felt from not having his body on mine, his hardness inside me where it belonged? All those years lost, the nights we could have been together, making love like we did before it all went to hell. Before I destroyed it all with my stupidity.And what made it even worse for me was that the last man inside me, the last man to have my body wasn't even my husband! It was Hugo! The man that I let destroy my marriage and send the man I love to prison! Hugo!. By the time I got home I was drained. I almost felt as if I had run the marathon myself. I took a shower, popped open a Sam Adams and sat down for some hopefully mindless television. That turned out to be a forlorn hope as the talking heads were endlessly analyzing what was soon determined to be a terrorist attack. It soon became repetitive, and my mind drifted back to runner 13750; I never even got her name and why it was so important for her to get to the finish line “for her husband,” or why that affected me so much. I guess she was pretty enough, but nobody looks that hot after running twenty-six plus miles, so what the fuck was going on inside my head?Another couple of Sammies put those thoughts to rest and I went to bed for a good night’s sleep, resolved to get back to my training to hopefully qualify for next year’s Boston Marathon.For the rest of the week I had pretty much put my experience with runner 13750 to the back of my mind, though it did sometimes poke its head up.
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